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Ghostbusters: The Onarga
Occurrence
By Kevin Kemarly & Ryan
Price
First Draft
Fade In
Ext. A country road outside the
town of
June 2004.
Three
teenagers are riding their bikes away from the town. They are all in line. First
in line is Ryan Price. HE is tall with a bowl type
haircut. He is comical, sarcastic and a womanizer. He is riding a small, green, BMX style bike. Next in line is Josh Kanosky,
he is of average height. He has blonde hair and
glasses. He is almost never without his hat. He is basically just there. Last
in line and almost ready to faint is Kevin Kemarly. He
is the smart one of the group.
Josh
(Looking back at Kevin)
So were the heck is this haunted house
of yours.
Kevin
It’s just ahead.
Ryan
So why are we going there
The house
comes into view.
Kevin
I want to prove the existence of ectoplasmic entities within the
area.
Ryan
Ecto . . .What?!
Josh
I think he means ghosts.
They stop
in front of the house. They dismount from their bikes
and walk to the door. At the door
Kevin pulls out a PKE meter.
Ryan
What is that?
Kevin
It’s a psychokinetic energy meter.
Kevin
(Continued)
It detects ghost
Josh
What other equipment did you
bring?
Kevin
(Hesitating)
Well . . .
uh a flashlight.
Ryan
(aggravated/sarcastic)
You mean to tell me you
brought us clear out here to find a ghost with nothing but a flashlight and
that weird shit’o’meter?
Kevin
Well yes.
Ryan
In that case let’s go.
Int. The house – Day
Ryan shoves
the door open.
Ryan
Lucy! I’m
Home.
Josh
Shhh. I don’t think there’s
anything here, but we don’t need you to announce that we’re here.
Kevin turns on the PKE. The wings come up half way.
Kevin
There’s definitely something here,
but I can’t pinpoint its location.
Ryan
(Brushes aside a cobweb)
There’s definitely something
here. I would say Rats, bugs, snakes.
Piano
They turn
a corner to find a dusty piano.
Josh
Cool, a piano.
Kevin
(Begins to walk towards
piano)
I wonder if it still works
Ryan
Step aside, let the
master through.
Ryan begins plunking notes. It sounds horrible.
Kevin
You are a master alright
Josh
A master of suckiness
Ryan
Finishes
plunking
Ryan
And now for the finale.
Piano
Ryan
begins alternating between the top two high notes.
Unknown voice
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Josh, Kevin and Ryan
They all
begin shaking and acting scared.
Kevin
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
Josh
(To Ryan)
This reminds me of the time
we stayed out at your house, looking for UFO’s.
Ryan
That was Kevin’s idea too. The first light in the sky and he wanted to go in.
Kevin
(To Ryan, not paying
attention to the meter, which has started to beep violently)
Hey that was you that wanted
to go in. I’ll tell you what if we would have run in
to any green men I wouldn’t be scared a bit.
PKE Meter
The wings
are fully extended, and it is beeping wildly. Still
none of them is paying any attention what so ever to it.
Kevin, Ryan, and Josh
They turn
a corner to find a green slimmer Esq. Ghost.
They all scream.
Ext. house – Day
The door flies
open and the kids run out grabbing their bikes. They
ride towards town still screaming.
Ext. Onarga – Day
The no
ghost logo appears on screen followed by the words Ghostbusters, the town fades
in, and the G of Ghostbusters forms the G in Onarga on the big Onarga sign.
Citizens of Onarga
As the
song continues the camera focuses on multiple scenes of people going about
their business. A person is changing the theatre
marquis, etc.
Ext. Southeast corner of Onarga – day
The trio
comes zooming into town on their bikes still screaming. They
come to a stop and then bust into burst of laughter.
Kevin
Holy Crap
Ryan
(Imitating Kevin)
“If I saw any green men I
wouldn’t be scared.
Kevin
You didn’t
seem that brave either.
Josh
(Looks at his watch)
Ah crap, I gotta go.
Ryan
Me too.
Kevin
(Somewhat disappointed)
Wait a minute; I thought we
were going back to my house. I need to
show something.
Josh and Ryan
They are
already riding a way.
Ryan
(Yelling)
Let’s just meet at TK’s Café tomorrow for lunch
Kevin
Whatever.
Kevin
He slowly
gets going and heads towards home. He is involved in
thought as he heads towards home. He looks around to
see people outside.
Int. Kevin’s house, Kevin’s
room.
Kevin
enters the door and throws the PKE meter on the bed it bounces off.
Kevin
Oh shit!
Kevin
He runs
over to the bed and turns it on. He sees that it is
fine and breathes a sigh of relief. The first thing he
does like every other day is turn on the computer. His
room is a mess but he doesn’t really care. He starts a
connection to the internet. It is busy
Kevin
Goddamn
internet.
Internet
It finally
connects. Kevin knows right where he is suppose to go. He is about to click on the website but suddenly someone
buzzes him on yahoo. Instead of replying he clicks
ignore. The website is slow to load but suddenly a
website loads. On the bottom its
says GBI (Ghostbusters International) he clicks enter. He looks at the screen and clicks on the link
START YOUR OWN FRANCHISE TODAY! He begins typing and begins to print pages.
Int. TK’s Café Next Day
Kevin is
sitting in a booth in the back. The waitress just
handed him a coke. He is reviewing some pages. There is a TV above the cashiers counter, a program is on.
TV Reporter
. . . The Gem of
Ordïn will be shipped by a military transport plane to a
The Door
The door
wiggles. Josh can’t seem to get it open. Finally the waitress opens it for him.
Josh
(Embarrassed)
Thanks!
Josh
Josh
enters and Ryan is close behind. Kevin looks from the
TV to them. He puts the papers in a manila folder and
sets it aside.
Kevin
‘Bout
time.
Ryan
Well I had to ride into
town.
Josh
So what did you want to talk
about?
Kevin
He is
about to answer but the waitress brings them their
menu and takes their drink orders.
Waitress
Can I got you something
Josh
I’ll have a Sierra Mist
Ryan
(Some what infatuated with
the waitress)
Uhh . . .habahaba
Josh
I think he wants a coke
Waitress
Uh ok.
I’ll bring those right to you.
Kevin
Umm excuse me
Waitress
(Stops)
Yes?
Kevin
Can you bring us a vase of
coke so we don’t have to keep waiting for refills?
Waitress
Sure
Josh
So what happened to mister
cool around the ladies?
Ryan
As the ladies
man would put it: Ryan
price is always cool around the magnificent creatures given the name of women.
Josh
You’re terrible.
Waitress
She gets
the drinks.
Kevin
Back on topic, what did you
think of yesterday?
Ryan
Well it was a rush.
Josh
That’s one way to put it.
Kevin
How would you like to do it
all the time and get big bucks for it?
Josh
What the
hell are
you talking about?
Kevin
Grabs the manila envelope.
Starts to open it.
Waitress
Sets down the drinks.
Waitress
What can I get you?
Josh
I’ll take the chicken tenders
and fries.
Waitress
And You?
Ryan
(More together this time)
I’ll take a breaded chicken
sandwich with Swiss cheese and fries.
Waitress
Alright, I’ll get that going.
Kevin
Begins
again, but is interrupted.
Ryan
Kevin, can you get that
Kevin
Goddamnit!
Kevin
Hands him
the
Kevin
Need anything else or can I
continue.
Ryan
By all
means.
Kevin
This is what I mean
Manila folder.
Kevin
opens it and lays it on the table. The front page
shows a giant no ghost logo.
Ryan
You’re kidding, right?
Josh
You can’t
be serious
Kevin
I’m always serious.
Just take a look at the
stuff. Hell one bust will get us five thousand.
Plus well be able to encounter
ectoplasmic entities and carry nuclear particle accelerators
Ryan
(To josh)
He sounds like Professor Frink off the Simpsons with the
plasma and the paranormal activity flahighvin flavin
Kevin
(Frustrated)
Just look at the damn thing!
Papers.
Ryan and
Josh begin to flip through the stuff.
Ryan
Wow, that’s
one hell of a medical plan.
Kevin
And it only cost us ten percent
of our first couple of bust.
Josh
Uh Kevin .
. .
Kevin
What?
Josh
It says you have to be
eighteen.
Kevin
I know that’s
why I lied
Ryan
Don’t you mean that’s why you will lie?
Kevin
Nope the starter kit with
the equipment should be here by Friday.
Ryan
You just signed us up
without asking us?
Kevin
Yep, I even signed up Andrew
even though he won’t be back from camp for two weeks.
The Food
The waitress brings the food and sets it down.
Waitress
Here you go?
Kevin
Thanks.
The Waitress
She
leaves.
Josh
So now
what?
Kevin
(Puts a French fry in his
mouth)
We wait for the kit.
Ryan
Well let’s
hope this doesn’t turn out to be another disaster.
Kevin
It can’t
be any worse than some of your previous ideas.
Josh
Yeah, like the flying bike
or the Onarga hockey team.
Ryan
Exactly
Kevin
(Picks up his glass)
Well here’s to the future
Onarga Ghostbusters
Ryan
(Lifts his glass)
May god help us all.
Josh
Amen
Int. Kevin’s Room –Day
Kevin and
Ryan are playing a Racing game on Kevin’s Gamecube
the sound is coming through Kevin’s stereo. At the
same time Kevin is playing music. Josh is checking his
email.
Doorbell.
The two
chimes ring.
Kevin
Josh check out the window.
The Window
The street
is lined with UPS trucks.
Josh
Holy Shit,
Kevin
(Looks out
the window.)
Crap.
The front door.
Kevin
opens it up. A UPS man is standing there.
UPS Man
Are you Kevin Kemarly?
Kevin
Yes?
UPS Man
I have forty packages for
you, where do you want them.
Kevin
Uh . . . just
set them in the yard.
UPS Man
Alright
Ext. Kevin’s yard Day
Forty
packages are stacked in the yard. The UPS trucks are
gone. Kevin, Josh, and Ryan stand before them.
Josh
So where do we start.
Kevin
Probably with that one that
says, “Open this box first.”
Josh
(Picks up the semi small box
and hands it to Kevin”
Here you go.
The box
Kevin
takes it over to the picnic table and opens it. He
takes out a large manual. On the front is a no ghost
symbol; printed on it is the phrase.
Kevin
(Reading the cover)
“So, you want to become a
Ghostbuster? This guide leads you step
by step to making your franchise a success.”
Ryan
Sounds
easy enough.
Kevin
Step one: Location,
location, location.
The first step in starting
your own ghost busting franchise is choosing a headquarters.
Cut to small warehouse.
The three
are looking at it.
Kevin (V.O.)
It must be big enough to fit
your needs.
The three look at the place and shake their heads
no.
Kevin (V.O.)
It must be in close
proximity of the neighborhood you going to be advertising in.
Ext. a house in the middle
of nowhere.
Again the guys shake their heads no.
Kevin (V.O.)
It must have an adequate
power supply.
Int. another potential
location.
They enter
a room. Josh flips the switch. The
lights come on, but then flicker and die. In the dark we can make out their silhouettes shaking their heads.
POV The manual
We can see
the text that Kevin is reading
Kevin (V.O.)
If all else fails, just pick
out a old building in the middle of town that resembles the New York
Headquarters
POV
Kevin brings down the manual. All three look up.